Clarity and support.

 

It's never healthy to completely ignore your feelings, as they are valid and reflect what you're going through. Suppressing emotions can lead to internal stress and make it harder to process and move forward. Instead, try to acknowledge your feelings privately and find healthy ways to cope, so you can approach your kids with clarity and support.

When it comes to your children, honesty and stability are key. It’s natural for them to feel a bit confused or uncertain about changes, especially when they pick up on your emotions. Here’s how you might approach this situation:

1. Be Age-Appropriate and Honest

  • Reassure Them: Let your kids know that it’s okay to feel weird or have mixed emotions. Say something like:
    “Sometimes when families change, it feels a bit different. It’s okay to feel unsure about things, and you can always talk to me about how you’re feeling.”
  • Keep It Neutral: While it’s okay to share that you’re adjusting too, avoid speaking negatively about your ex or the new partner in front of the kids. This helps them form their own feelings without feeling torn or pressured to take sides.

2. Focus on Emotional Security

  • For Your Daughter: If she’s naturally open and accepting, encourage that while helping her feel safe. Say:
    “It’s great that you’re kind to everyone. If you ever feel unsure about something or someone, it’s okay to tell me.”
    This gives her permission to explore her feelings over time.
  • For Your Son: If he seems more distant, acknowledge his feelings without pushing him. Say:
    “I notice you’re feeling a bit unsure, and that’s okay. You don’t have to rush to feel a certain way. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to talk.”

3. Help Them Navigate Relationships

  • Model Respect: Even if you don’t agree with the situation, showing respect for the new dynamic helps your kids feel less conflicted. Children thrive when they see adults managing emotions calmly and maturely.
  • Empower Their Choices: Let them know they have the right to form their own opinions. For example:
    “You can decide how you feel about things. If you need help figuring it out, we can talk anytime.”

4. Create Stability and Routine

  • Changes can make kids feel ungrounded. Focus on keeping your time with them consistent and full of love. That stability can offset some of the uncertainty they might feel in the new situation.

5. Take Care of Your Own Emotions

  • Your kids will pick up on how you’re coping. Finding outlets to process your own feelings—like journaling, talking to a trusted person, or even using this space—helps you stay emotionally present for them.

Final Thought

It’s okay to feel conflicted and unsure how to guide your kids through this. You’re doing the best you can, and your love and support matter more than having all the perfect answers. Just focus on being a steady, understanding presence for them while you work through your own feelings at your own pace. They’ll appreciate that you’re there for them, no matter what.